This thing I read discussed how using the term "douchebag" to describe an obnoxious man makes no sense. The author then suggested this would be very similar to calling an obnoxious woman a penis trough. I laughed for a solid five minutes and resolved to use this term when it became appropriate.
Well, folks, I met a penis trough the other day.
I was at work in the store, when I spotted a lost-looking customer. I asked if she was finding everything all right. She said yes, that we had the item she was looking for, which was great because she'd been having a hard time finding it. So far, so good. Then, she told me she had lost weight. And handed me this:
Being polite, I congratulated her on her success. She then said "I teach a weight loss class, you know."
Well, I knew right away where this was going. "Excellent. I have to get back to work."
"You should stop by sometime."
"Yeah, thanks, have a nice day."
"I'd like to give you a prayer."
"No, thank you."
Penis Trough then set her papers down on the cart I was working off and happily walked away.
Now, I'm sure this woman thought she was doing a lovely thing. Oh, here's a person I can help by sharing the word! However, the reality of the situation is that this was an horrendously rude and utterly offensive thing to do. Let's break down the levels of offensiveness.
Proselytizing. Look, folks, it's not cool. Now, I don't mean it's not okay to share your viewpoint with people you know or even strangers you find yourself in a conversation with at a party. It's not even bad to offer to share your religion with somebody you care for. However, you can do this without proselytizing. It's great if you have religious beliefs, and it's great if you feel comfortable openly discussing these beliefs. It is not okay, however, to charge up to strangers and say "My religion is right and, even though I don't know what yours is, it's wrong." How pissed off would Penis Trough be if I had done the opposite to her? If I walked up to her at her place of work and said "Hi. I don't know what your religious affiliation is, but let me tell you why the Judeo-Christian mythology is hokey nonsense!" it would be fair for her to punch me in the face. It would be so excruciatingly rude of me to do such a thing. That holds true for a Christian person trying to change the beliefs of a Jewish person, a Hindu, an atheist, or a member of any religion (or rejection thereof).
Let's move on the presumptuousness that I'm interested in your help losing weight. Maybe, just maybe, I'm happy with my looks. Maybe I have great hair and incredible breasts. Or maybe I'm not so shallow that the way I look is the only thing I care about. Maybe I'm concerned about being good at my job; something that you're actively interfering with when you interrupt me at work to call me fat and try to introduce me to this new and interesting concept of God.
But let's play that a different way. Let's assume that I am unhappily fat and that I do believe in God. Maybe I belong to the same religion as you. Maybe I even go to your church. Maybe I just sneak in and sit at the back because I'm so ashamed of my appearance that I don't want to be an affront to God by dragging my fatness into His house. "Well, that's stupid." No. It's what you've just suggested to me. You've just suggested that God doesn't love me and I'm fat as punishment. That my not-traditionally perfect body is a punishment for not believing what you believe. That would make your God pretty petty, wouldn't it? I'm Baptist, but God wants me to be Methodist, so I'm fat. PETTY. Furthermore, how do you know I'm not praying? How do you know I don't go home and cry every night until I can get up the nerve to go to church and pray to God that my body is different? Oh, that's right. You don't, because you don't fucking know me.
Have you ever shot a fish in a barrel? Seen a helpless little creature that you know can't fight back against you or escape, and giggled in delight while firing bullets at it? Oh, does that sound incredibly cruel? Well, cornering somebody while they're at work in their customer service job and saying extremely offensive things to them is remarkably similar. If a missionary comes to my door at my home to talk to me about why their religion is best (even though they don't know what mine is), and tells me that until I look different, I'm undeserving of God's love, I can slam the door in their faces. I can sic my dog on them. I can just tell them to go fuck themselves. I can snark at them; I can fuck with them. I can tell them off for their presumptuousness. At work, though? I can't do anything. I can stand there and listen to this offensive bullshit, or I can get fired for punching you. Yep. That's the love and respect God wants you to show your fellow man. Forcing them to choose between being insulted or losing their livelihood. Well done. You win at compassion.
Now, I have to touch on the text on the images. "Watching Life at 334 Pounds." Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know being overweight meant I wasn't alive. Shockingly, despite your assumption I'm the fattest of sea cows and desperately need your help, I do not weight that much. However, I do not believe that gaining that extra weight would make me a non-entity. Pretty sure I would still have friends. I'd still enjoy having my pets. And I would still have *gasp* sex. Would still be in love with my partner. Still be a good a daughter. I'd still read and carry on conversations with people about what I read. My weight doesn't stop me from doing a damn thing except wearing a particular clothing size. But I appreciate your candor and further insults that not only does my fatness mean that God doesn't love me; I'm also less of a person.
And here's the really amusing part of it, Penis Trough. Your face was really cute when you were heavier. But I'm glad you're happy you traded that cute face for a bad tan. I'll come visit you when you're receiving treatments for your impending melanoma, and I'll be sure to remind you that you just need to accept somebody else's religious beliefs.
