Good Night, Friend

I received word today that an old friend passed away. Since I didn't get to say good-bye, and obviously the deceased have access to blogs, I thought I'd do it here. I'll call him Brad.

Brad and I were not close, but I cared about him. I met him through my ex, who in the past has been called Nerfherder. I didn't really like many of Nerfherder's friends. I mean, I tried. I certainly never told them I didn't like them. I did stuff with them. But after Nerfherder and I split, I had no desire to remain in contact with most of them. This was not the case with Brad. I used to joke that I wanted to take him with me and told Nerfherder I'd take him to court to battle for custody of Brad. That was mostly joking, but I really was sad that he and I didn't keep in touch afterwards. I instantly liked Brad. He was fun. And he really loved dogs, so that's always a plus in my world. And I could keep going, and tell stories about him, but since he just died in a really, infuriatingly stupid way, I don't want to give too much away about who he is, for his family's sake. So here's some things I want to say to Brad.

I don't pretend to know what happens when we die. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in Heaven. But tonight, Brad, I hope they're both real. I want that for you so much. I don't know if souls are real. I don't know what happens to our life energy once our physical bodies have failed. But I hope it's good. I hope you're safe. I hope you're comfortable. I hope you're happy and at peace.

I'm so sorry your life ended the way it did. Brad, I hope you weren't alone and I hope you weren't scared when you left. You were such a good person in so many ways, and I'm sorry life was so hard in so many ways for you. You deserved better. And I'm sorry you didn't feel like you had other options for how to deal with how hard life was. I'm sorry for every day that you felt alone.

I refuse to remember you for how you died. I'll remember you every time I see a profoundly stupid tattoo or somebody wearing their baseball hat sideways. I remember the dog you saved and the way you didn't think twice before reporting that man for animal abuse. I'll remember you at epic bonfires, especially if somebody's blasting ska punk from the car.

Brad, I hope you know that you will be missed. Good night, Friend.