Dry Socket To Me!

I had my wisdom teeth removed when I was 18 years old, as many people do. I have a fair amount of anxiety (okay, overwhelming), so the days leading up to the procedure were naturally much worse than the procedure itself. Here's how the time line kind of went:

Two Years Before: "What's this in the back of my mouth? Are these the crowns of new teeth? Blerg."

18 Months Before: "Hey, my wisdom teeth haven't come in any further. I wish they'd do something. My gums kind of hurt."

A Year Before: My friend's high school boyfriend, who I'll call Graeme, had his wisdom teeth taken out. The oral surgeon discovered after the surgery that Graeme had some nerves that had grown in oddly, and had wrapped around his teeth. He lost feeling in his face - to my knowledge, he never regained feeling. He was out of school for weeks because there was so much swelling that he couldn't speak, he couldn't brush his teeth, and he couldn't stop drooling. His twin sister was in my Spanish class, and she came to school making fun of him EVERY DAY that he was out. I proceeded to panic and vowed that I would never have my wisdom teeth taken out. I shouldn't need to. After all, they started breaking through a year ago and have made no progress yet.

Six Months Before: My friend's dad told me a story about having his wisdom teeth taken out. He insisted that he woke up mid-surgery with the oral surgeon's hands in his mouth and THE SURGEON'S FOOT ON HIS CHEST! True or not, screw that! Never doing it!

Three Months Before: Routine cleaning time! And the jerk dentist said those horrible words: "It's time to start thinking about getting your wisdom teeth out."

Three Months to One Month Before: AUGGGGGHHHHHHHH! NONONONONONONONONONO!

One Month Before: Scheduled Wisdom Teeth Extraction. I was reassured I would be put under general anesthetic. I began calming down.

One Week Before: I went to the Oral Surgeon for my pre-operative appointment. We discussed the procedure I would undergo. I tried to bolt; my mother caught me. Then, in what the surgeon claimed was a guarantee that I would make an informed decision, but was clearly an act of psychological torture, I was shown a video detailing the more common risks and dangers of the surgery. I left sobbing.

Six Days Before Through the Day Of: "I'm not doing it. Absolutely not. No. Mom, why haven't you cancelled that appointment yet? I'm not doing it."

Two Hours Before Surgery: "Nope. I'm not getting in the car because I'M NOT DOING IT!!!"

One Hour Before Surgery: Further histrionics in the car.

Ten Minutes Before: "VALIUM!!!!!!!!!!!"

Nine Minutes Before: "Oooh, that helped."

During Surgery, as I woke up with the oral surgeon's hands in my mouth: "NO! STOP! MOTHER FUCKER! I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE! GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OUT OF MY MOUTH, I'M AWAKE! STOP STOP STOP!"

"Honey, it's over. That's not the doctor's hands. That's gauze. You're fine."

"Oh. Can I go home now?"

Twenty Minutes After: My mom took me to 7-Eleven for a banana Slurpee. Yay, Mom!

The rest of the day: A lot of eating KFC whipped potatoes.

The following day: My best friend, who I'll call Karl, and I decided we needed to drive two hours to go see another high school's production of "Footloose." We stopped and picked up Karl's friend, who I'll call Dave, who I was meeting for the first time. I was still a little loopy from the painkillers and sitting in the backseat, eating mini-marshmallows, chewing them with my front teeth. We then drove the remaining hour to the high school, only to find out the show was sold out. Well, blerg. So, we drove back to Dave's, hung out there for a bit, then went to Denny's, where I couldn't resist cheese fries. After watching me eat a plate of cheese fries while only chewing with my front teeth, I have no idea why Dave ever spent any time with me again, but he did and I've come to cherish him as a friend.

So, pretty traumatic for me. Here's how much time, attention, and stress went into my ex's wisdom teeth extraction when we were 24.

Day Before: "Oh, hey, I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow."

Two Hours Before: "K, I'm off to the dentist."
"Okay, good luck! I love you! Let me know when you're home! I'll come over and take care of you."
"Yeah, whatever."

Immediately after surgery: "Oh, cool, am I done? Hey, Dad, can we stop at KFC?"
"Sure. Do you just want some mashed potatoes?"
"No. I want a Famous Bowl!"

And he ate it. Fried battered chicken, corn nibblets, and all.